Dealing With Suicide as a Christian

“God” I prayed one afternoon when I was fifteen, “I’m going inside to kill myself. If you love me, stop me.” How did I get to that point? I’m not sure, but there were many enemies that accompanied me along the way- loneliness, depression, fear. Depression, especially, had been with me for a long time. It wasn’t that I didn’t know God. I did. So why was depression weighing on me so heavily? First, I had to find the answers to these questions to get to the reasons why I live.

The Bible, Anxiety and Depression

Recently, I wrote about my struggles with anxiety, and how Bible verses about mental health help me deal with it. I described how being anxious affected my driving and how calming myself with scripture really did help. Although I didn’t sit down and do a scripture search on depression until now, a couple of things in the Bible did jump out at me. If you're a new believer or have never read the Bible, you might be wondering, "What does the Bible say about mental health?" The answer: more than you think. Here are some passages that are really helping me see things differently in my struggles with depression.

Elijah Begs to Die

The story of the prophet Elijah in I Kings 18 and 19, and Psalm 118:17 both really speak to me on this topic. Elijah was so exhausted and afraid after fleeing from the evil Jezebel that depression overtook him and he begged for God to take his life. That’s pretty heavy stuff, but it comforts me to see how God ministered to Elijah’s needs. Instead of beating Elijah over the head for being depressed, God let him rest and sent an ANGEL to bring him food and water! Is that cool or what?

Why I Live

Later in life, at age twenty-two, I would actually make an attempt on my life. During the months after that, when I was desperately trying to find a reason for living, I came across Psalm 118:17: “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord (KJV).” That became my new purpose statement, and it has really helped remind me why I’m here. I am here because God is good, even when I don’t feel good. I am here because He has good plans for me (Jeremiah 29:11). I am here because He has a message that He wants to convey, and no one can tell that message quite the way I can. (And no one can share it quite the way you can, either!)

Here Are Some Other Things the Bible Says About Depression:

• Think positive: Mental Health science is finding that positive thinking is
  important in battling depression. The Bible already knows this secret. Philippians 4:8 tells us to
  think on things that are good, pure, lovely, and, well you get the idea.
• Self-Talk: I love Psalm 42:11, maybe because King David was talking to himself in this verse and I sometimes talk to myself. It asks, (in my own words) “self, why are you so down today, what’s wrong with you? Look up! Trust in God!” It’s an almost comical reminder that God is still good even when we don’t feel good.
• God is with us: Both Deuteronomy 31:8 and Isaiah 41:10 remind us not to be afraid or discouraged because God is with us. This may seem daunting in the moment, but stop and think about this: God is holding your hand! He is walking ahead of you, leading the way.
• God rescues us: Psalm 34:17, Psalm 40:1-3 and Psalm 3:3 tell us that God hears and delivers, gives us a firm place to stand, puts a new song in our mouths, and lifts up our heads and triumph. He protects us. But what about when God doesn’t protect? What about the bad things that happen, the wars and shootings and killer viruses? The Bible answers these questions too.
• When trouble comes: John 16:33 says that we will have trouble in this world, but to be encouraged, because Jesus has overcome the world. I Peter 4:12-13 says not be surprised when we find ourselves being persecuted or in difficult situations, but to actually respond joyfully to those situations because Jesus is working in us and is being lifted up.
• He comforts us: Also, God comforts us in these difficult situations. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 actually calls Him the God of all comfort, and says that He, through Jesus Christ, comforts us, so that we can, in turn, comfort others.
• When we fail: The Bible also acknowledges that we may fail and that may cause depression. In Psalm 37:23-24, we see the words “though he fall.” Even when we fail, He will not leave us in our failure, but will pick us up, dust us off, and put us back on track.
• Nothing can separate: Finally, the ultimate reason not to be depressed: He’s got us! The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 8:38-39: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Wow!

Back to Younger Me

As I headed inside that day when I was fifteen, I hadn’t gone far when the wet nose of my energetic puppy, Danny-boy, assaulted my senses and his playful bark distracted me from my morbid thoughts. Some people would say it was a coincidence, but I know better. While I wouldn’t suggest putting God to the test like I did that day, He used one of His creatures to minister to me and keep me going one more day. No, it wasn’t the last time the thoughts would plague me, but I’m still here. If you’re struggling like I was, please get help. I did. And on the flip side of depression and suicidal thoughts are the promises of God’s word to those who love Him. Here’s just one of them- “You will show me the path of life. In Your presence is fullness of joy. At your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” – Psalm 16:11

Jessica Seale is a writer and a caregiver from rural Tennessee who wants to encourage others through her blog Beautifully Broken.  It is a place where she shares what she’s learned about brokenness and inspires others to look at it differently.

Finding our identity in Christ keeps us on solid ground. God gives meaning and purpose to life.  A Hope Coach is here to talk about faith and purpose with you. 

If you or a friend need support right now, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, for free confidential, 24/7 help. For a list of crisis centers around the world and additional help, please visit the suicide prevention resource page.

Addicted to masturbation??? Is that even possible?

Perhaps you’re already picturing me as a hundred-year-old Sunday School teacher or pastor, with corduroy pants so high rise they must be a cover for a long-term fitted chastity belt.

Or maybe you’re seeing the Christian protester who has nothing better to do with their precious time on Earth than to yell about people “fanning the flame” or “ringing Satan’s doorbell” or… choose your favorite euphemism.

Addicted to Masturbation

But have no fear; I’d like to think I’m a fairly reasonable and open-minded gal, who hasn’t worn anything corduroy since the early nineties.

However, the reality is, masturbation can become a legitimate addiction, just like any behavior you can become addicted to masturbation. I’m not intending to make a moral statement or provide a biblical guideline but rather to help you decide if you are addicted so you can seek healing.

Here are three practical ways to help you discern if you’re addicted to masturbation:

1. Are you using masturbation to alter your mood?

Masturbation is a quick fix. It’s free, accessible and easy. It’s the perfect drug. Understandably, men and women use it to medicate bad moods. Those warm fuzzy chemicals sure hit the spot!

There are more positive ways to sooth moods, for example, listening to calming music or having a hot bath after a lousy day. The difference with using masturbation to alleviate negative emotions is that the powerful chemicals and hormones involved set you up for compulsion and emotional repression, not to mention they can be a detriment your future or current sex life. These are powerful chemicals you’re playing with.

Take note of when you feel the urge. What has triggered you in the past? Did you feel stressed? Powerless? Rejected? Lonely? Tired? Anxious? Sometimes our sex drive is just being its thoughtful self and saying ‘Hey! It’s been a while since we’ve tried reproducing! I’m here to personally encourage you too today!’ (Thanks Sex Drive: maybe take note of the relationship status next time) However, there is often an underlying motivation: to feel good. Because you don’t already.

If you’re regularly masturbating in response to negative emotion, you may be addicted. Why? Because it reveals you’re not processing your emotions and indicates you’re living in some level of distress, making it the perfect opportunity to get hooked. Addiction loves pain. It is a faux salve for emotional wounds. But in reality, our vice, be it masturbation or otherwise, is infecting that wound that so desperately needs to be healed.

2. Do you feel like you can’t stop?

Perhaps one of the clearest signs of addiction is when you feel you can’t stop, even when you really want to. Pretty simple. You may white-knuckle it for a few weeks, but it always come crashing back into your life.

There’s a reason for this.

A sexual encounter (with someone else or on your own) instigates the release of a host of nice-feeling chemicals into your brain’s reward system. It’s an incredible gift from God when it’s not confused. It keeps humanity thriving and surviving. It releases chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin when you participate in a behavior that it believes ensures survival of the body or gene pool (hence why an orgasm feels so much better than mopping the floor or eating dirt). The reward pathway function is to remind the brain to do that thing again! Your body begins to make unconscious associations. When you feel poorly, it remembers how to give you a kick! A process begins deep in your brain which, unbroken, leads you right back to the behavior, because your brain is wired to seek the easiest route to pleasure.

3. Is your habit harming you or those around you?

A characteristic of any addiction is continuing despite harm. Harm can come in many forms: emotional, relational, physical, spiritual or criminal to name a few.

If you’re masturbating to the point of overuse or needing medical assistance, you may very well be addicted. This is nothing to be ashamed about. Doctors have seen it all.

Compulsive masturbation can lead to sexual dysfunction and less-than-ideal intimacy with your spouse. This is a very real harm that must be identified. More than physiological, this can affect your spouse emotionally. Are you masturbating to the detriment of your sex life?

Isolation is another harm to look out for.  Such retreat can be rooted in shame, anxiety or the lost ability to interact non-sexually. Perhaps you would rather be at home masturbating than socializing. Having an orgasm is easier than building real relationships. But only the latter will bear good fruit in the long run.

Masturbation is a very personal and complicated topic. It can be a response to sexual or emotional trauma, it can be a struggle that begins in early childhood, it can be accompanied by porn or voyeurism or nothing at all, and the line between “struggling with” and “addicted” can get blurry. There is a battlefield of opinions out there and it is so easy to slip into judgment and shame in this conversation.

Please know that no matter what, you are known and cherished by the God of the universe, and the team at XXXchurch has resources to help you find freedom. You are not alone, and you need not feel ashamed. Recovery is so possible.

Originally posted at xxxchurch.com.

Has pornography filled the loneliness in your life and now you feel trapped by its addictiveness? You are not alone. Here are the lies pornography tells us.

If faith is important to you, you want your friends to know the joy of strong faith, too. There are few things more exciting than when a dear friend becomes a new believer and shares a common faith with us.

I’ve been blessed to see a lot of friends make commitments of faith. But it isn’t always easy. We often need to support and encourage one another in our faith, and that is something we’re called to do.

Here are some ways you can offer spiritual encouragement to a friend throughout their faith journey.

How to Help a Friend Grow in Their Faith

1. Uplifting Scripture

The Bible can help you encourage your friend in their faith, even if you’re not sure how to help or what to say.

The Gospels are a great start if your friend needs to hear the inspiring teachings of Jesus about love, kindness, and forgiveness.

The Proverbs have many practical words of wisdom that are great for memory verses. And the Psalms can help us find hope even in the most challenging situations we face as believers.

There are plenty of reminders throughout scripture that God is always with us and sharing verses with your friend now and then will be a great help to them in their faith.

2. Prayer

Whether it’s praying together, praying for your friend in your own prayer time, or asking someone to pray for your friend, prayer is a powerful way to strengthen faith for ourselves, and to be there for our friends.

If you’re not sure how to pray for your friend, you can find some Psalms to use as prayers. You can ask your friend what to pray for, too. Or you can simply take a moment of your day to ask God to strengthen them and encourage them in their faith. He is always listening.

3. Enjoying Nature

Many people feel closer to God or more aware of God’s presence after spending time enjoying nature. Going to your favorite park, greenway, or other natural area with your friend is a great way to spend quality time, and it’s a unique way for them to find beauty in life during a challenging season.

4. Cards and Letters

There’s nothing like receiving an unexpected card or letter of encouragement from someone we care about. Sending a note to your friend with your favorite verse or uplifting quote is a great way to encourage them in their faith, especially if they live farther from you and don’t get to visit often. You can send a card for holidays, birthdays, or any time you want them to know you are thinking of them and praying for them.

5. Worshipping Together

If you live near your friend, worshipping together is a great way to grow stronger in faith and find encouragement. And if you feel like your friend needs extra support, there are plenty of resources in your faith community, and plenty of people who want to help.

TheHopeLine can help, too. We have a library of blogs, eBooks, and podcasts that offer practical ways to live faithfully no matter what. And when you need someone to talk to, you can reach out to a HopeCoach via chat or email. We are here for you, and we pray your faith journey is full of blessings.

Sometimes we're afraid of sharing our faith with friends, but we can do it without harming most friendships. Here's how.

 

Before

I am a planner; I like order and to-do lists and thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong so I can stop them from going wrong. I take pride (too much pride, I’ll admit) in being the level-headed girl who can look past emotions and dramatics and see solutions. Solutions equaled control.

As a new teacher, I dreaded the day when I would walk into my classroom and feel completely at ease — when I would be confident that the day would be a good one.

I believed if that day came, it would be the last moments I’d remember before everything shattered. Before I lost control.

Bracing for Destruction

I convinced myself that every smile, every breakthrough, every “good day” would be followed by something equally awful. They were the calm before the storm in a time when I felt trapped by suffocating winds and gut-punching blows. I was blinded by fear, and no matter where I looked, I couldn’t seem to see past this single school day. I felt sick every day and every night, I curled up like a child in my bed with terror and anxiety for company.

There’s a line from Milton’s “Paradise Lost” that has stuck with me since I read it over ten years ago: “The mind is its own place, and in itself it can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.” My own mind had become so filled with lies about how I wasn’t good enough to be serving my students that I’d created my own personal hell.

It took me a while, but eventually I realized I’d lost the things that made me ME. My friends and family walked on eggshells around me, because they didn’t know what to say. If they asked me how I was doing, my answer was never given with a smile.

They could see the light leaving my eyes while I had forgotten there had been light there at all. I’d lost my hope that things would get better. I surrendered to fear, and it wasted no time taking what it came for:

My joy. My passion. Myself.

Losing Myself

I was a shell of the person I’d grown into by the grace of God and every human being who’d taught me what it meant to be kind and good, and...

I. WAS. MAD....

At myself, at the world, and at the horrible feeling that had been buried in my stomach for months.

I was mad at the way I couldn’t worship the God I’d trusted so long ago because each Sunday that came reminded me of the Monday that would follow. I was mad at the way I hid myself from friends despite the loneliness I felt.

So, I made a choice: However, much it scared me, I would fight back. I would abandon the chains that bound me — the anxiety, the guilt, and the fear commanding my life.

I was done walking on eggshells waiting for the heart-stopping booms of thunder that shook me to my core.

I was done letting my own anxious heart rob me of the fruit I saw born from my efforts.

I was done letting fear win.

Chasing Peace

Peace wasn’t going to come on its own. I had to embrace the storm I feared and SEEK the calm I desired.

Every day, I woke up, and I chose to seek something good. Because there was good. There is always good.

Some days, it was easy, and I’d find myself smiling like a crazy person staring up at the stars. I’d think about all the stories humans have talked about the figures dancing across the sky, and I’d thank God for granting us with the gift of imagination and storytelling.

Other days, seeking good felt bad. I’d feel defeated when I walked into school with confidence and left with the sound of bitter words ringing in my ears like clashing symbols.

And yet, life was still better than it had been, and God was still with me.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.
great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22–3 ESV

Despite the storm that engulfed my life, there was still morning, and there was still evening, and each day was still good. Just as He had when I was in college, God had kept His promise to guide me and to care for me according to His will. He would not leave me. With each new morning came new mercies, whether saw them or not.

Reclaiming Joy

Weeks passed, then months, and eventually, I found myself at the end of a season. The storm had passed, and I was okay. It felt . . anticlimactic. One day, I was there. The next, I wasn’t. I could breathe again. I could dream again.

I hadn’t realized what a living death I’d condemned myself to in the midst of my trial. God hadn’t taken away my joy. He hadn’t taken the things that used to make me feel like I was creating something wonderful. My hands could still draw, my fingers could still type, and my lips could still sing His praise. I lived for months believing that all of the good in my life had been stolen from me when in reality, I’d fallen for one of Satan’s cruelest tricks: I’d taken my own joy, and I’d let him have my hope.

After 

I won’t pretend I’m immune to the darkness I knew last year, and I certainly won’t pretend to know what you’re going through. What I will say is this: Storms will come. It’s guaranteed.

There is so little we can control, and choosing to see good is one of those things. It’s hard and it can be painful, but ultimately? It’s the best chance we’ve got at making it through the seasons we wish hadn’t come at all.

We seek the calm within the storm, and we trust that God knows what He’s doing, because He does.

Do you feel like depression and anxiety are ruining your life? Read, Depression is a Bully, for a personal experience of how depression feels and how to overcome it. 

Originally published at Wildflower Press - hannahoxley.com

Hannah Oxley is a teacher, a blogger, and an avid reader. When she’s not working on her first middle-grade novel, she can be found sipping coffee at her favorite independent bookstore or roaming the aisles of Trader Joe's.

Hey, my name is Julieanna. I am 15 years old. Last year I attempted suicide 2 times. I've self-harmed multiple times, and every time it gets worse. Please help!

Releasing Emotional Pain

The first time I cut myself it was to release the emotions and pain I've been holding onto. Being the "family disappointment" is a hard job. I first had thoughts of harming myself in 7th grade, but I didn't act on it. By 8th grade, I gave in to the temptation and started harming myself. I had friends that "cared." In reality, some did, others didn't. I'll admit I was a little bit overdramatic at times. I would say, "I'm gonna kill myself" just to see how my friends would act. They thought I was doing it for attention, and I was, but I didn't want to admit it. Something with self-harm just fascinated me.

High School Drama

Then I entered high school. My freshman year was absolutely horrible. Drama, Drama, DRAMAAA!!

I promised I wouldn't cut, but a rumor started spreading about me, and my own family dissed me about it, so, of course, I ended up cutting again but this time worse. All over my thighs and wrists. I felt free and relieved. But the pain instantly came back.

After that situation, cutting became something I did regularly. If anything went wrong, I instantly went to cutting. I once went to my dad about it, and he helped me a little, but the feeling was still there. Over the summer my parents found out I was cutting myself again, and they were disappointed. They didn't understand why I would do that to myself.

I entered my sophomore year thinking I wasn't going to do it anymore since life was going GREAT!! Right?? WRONG!! I ended up cutting myself back-to-back some days to the point where my own skin couldn't heal. Cutting from my thighs to my wrists it got to the point that there was no space left for me to cut. I turned to my friends and boyfriend, and they were comforting and begged me to stop, but it's something I can't just quit. It's a part of me.

Suicide Attempts

Then I attempted suicide. My suicide attempts were with pills both times. Both times I prayed I would live, and I'm still here. I still have the marks, scars, whatever you want to call them from cutting. At times I feel alone in my own home, as though no one understands me. I feel my family sees me as this horrible person that cares about no one, but that's just not true.  - Julieanna

TheHopeLine's Response to Julieanna:

Dear Julieanna,

Please know we see you and we hear you. We believe you and care about you. You are a good person. Believe that you are lovable, valuable and worthy.

We want you to know that you are not alone. At TheHopeLine we have talked to many people who have faced similar struggles. There is help and hope available to move forward and live a fulfilling life. We are glad you are reaching out with your story. Now please don't hesitate to seek help as well.  There are people who care.  To begin with, you can chat with a HopeCoach, sign up for an E-Mail Mentor or ask others to pray for you from our Get Help Page.

Resources for Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts: 

We have a partnership with Door of Hope, an organization that specializes in helping people who self-harm. Door of Hope has crisis care advocates that provide free services via texting, email and phone. Please check them out - Door of Hope

You also might benefit from reading how Amanda broke free from her struggle with self-harm - Breaking Free From Self-Harm

Finally - Julieanna, here at TheHopeLine we find a tremendous amount of hope through our faith. It gives us value, love, hope, purpose and security. If you are searching for true peace, here's where to turn - Learn More About God.
Hold On! Hope is Here!

What to Know About Anxiety and Mental Health?

The first time I learned about generalized anxiety order was in college. I was sitting in my speech class listening to a student give her presentation on mental health and how she dealt with her recent diagnosis of various mental health issues. As she spoke about GAD, I was a bit confused because most the symptoms she was describing were… normal to me. “You mean not everyone thinks this way?” I thought to myself. That speech started a journey for me of learning more about myself, my anxiety, and my identity- a journey that I am still on today!

Mental Health - Denial or Identity? 

Mental Health is an area that is still not widely understood by our current culture. I am definitely NOT a mental health expert, but as someone who has walked through my own mental health struggles and watched family members struggle as well, I have observed a lot of different responses to mental health especially within the Christian community.

There are usually two responses to mental health that I see: denial or identity. Some people deny the science behind and even the existence of anxiety, depression, or other mental illnesses. On the other hand, others accept it as a label to wear, letting it become more important than anything else in their life.

To be perfectly honest, I know these responses are both incorrect, because I have done both of them at different times in my life.

After my own counseling and watching others close to me who struggle with anxiety, I knew I had to come to terms with the reality of what I was dealing with. I had to accept that my anxiety was real and affected my life. However, once I accepted that reality, I started to believe that anxiety was my new identity.

Anxiety is Not My Identity

Now, I want to make a couple things clear. I still talk about my anxiety. I have so much respect for those brave enough to be vulnerable about their struggles. I love that so many people are raising awareness to break the stigma around mental health.

However, my identity is found in Christ, not in anxiety.

 Even when my mind feels in turmoil; God promises to be my peace. When I start to overthink and worry, I just have another opportunity to invite Jesus into my thoughts. In my weakness, I learn to boast more in His strength.

Because no matter what I struggle with, who I am does not change. Jesus died on the cross so I can be known as a child of God. He promises to walk with me even in the midst of my anxiety and bring me into deeper freedom and healing through the process.

You Are Not a Broken Thing 

For years, anxiety felt like a fatal flaw that defined who I was. I don’t know what you struggle with- maybe it’s mental health issues or something completely unrelated. Everyone has a different story, but I have learned from my own story that when I stop making my struggles my identity and allow Christ to tell me who I am, I find so much freedom!

I always encourage people to get counseling or treatment for their anxiety, because those things have been so beneficial to me. No one should feel shame because of their mental health struggles, but never let anyone tell you that you are only your anxiety, because that is a lie. You are so much more than something you struggle with or issues you are facing. God sees you as a beloved child, not a broken thing to be fixed.

My Mental Health Journey 

My mental health journey has played a huge role in shaping the person I am. God has been so faithful at every step of the process. I have learned that my struggles are not shameful and do not disqualify me from being used by God. I am grateful for opportunities to share my story and raise awareness about mental health, but ultimately, I know where my identity lies.  Anxiety is not my identity; I am a child of God.

This article was originally posted at Mercy Multiplied

If you struggle with anxiety, you may have experienced a panic attack. Here are 25 grounding techniques that have proven as an effective way to cope with a panic attack.

I wasn't really close to God. In fact, I was far away from Him.

My History of Sexual Abuse

I blocked my childhood sexual abuse memories. I was sexually abused by my mom's boyfriend for 4 years. My family believes that my mom's boyfriend is innocent, and nice. They don't believe me when I say he abused me. My family still sees me as a child. They refuse to respect me as an adult, and still cross my boundaries.

Then I went to college and was sexually abused by my tutor. I felt worthless and depressed. I felt like no one believed me. I became obsessed with my tutor. He had lied to me, saying he didn't have a girlfriend, but I found out he did.  So, I began constantly checking my tutor's girlfriend's pictures to see how he was doing. I couldn't stop it and no matter how many times I blocked her, I kept unblocking her and seeing all the pictures of him and her together. He is a cheater, and I was the other girl, the girl he raped.

Alone and Wanting to Die

So, my family thinks I'm confusing my mom's boyfriend with the tutor who hurt me sexually. They also believe what happened with my tutor is my fault. I was so hurt by my own family. They said they would be there for me if anything happened, but this happened, and they don't believe me. They are not there for me.

So, in December, I wanted to kill myself. I never had the guts, but I was asking God every night to kill me because I felt so alone in this giant world.

God Saved Me through TheHopeLine

Then I thought of going to crisis hotline and I ended up coming here, to TheHopeLine.  I was looking for something that was Christian to help me rebuild and get closer to God.  As I chatted with the HopeCoach who was online helping me, I realized that I never accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord.  I was so desperate to feel better and not feel alone that I decided to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior that night and got saved!!!

TheHopeLine chat is the literally the best hotline ever!!! I come here when I have some issues and it is the best! I always feel better after chatting here. Thank you!!! God bless you!!
~Ericka

The journey to healing after sexual abuse can be difficult, but it is possible! If your story is similar to Ericka's, don't lose hope. We are here to help! Please also watch Kate's Story HERE. 

Suicide Survivor

​​It was late September 2012. My eyes squinted shut as the nurse wheeled me out the front doors of the psych ward and helped me into the car. This was the first time I’d seen the sun in more than a week.

"Good luck, Mr. Austin. Take care of yourself,” she said as she gently patted my shoulder, her hands unusually warm. “Remember,” she continued, “Every day is another step in the journey. Promise me that you’ll never stop telling the truth or asking for help. You’re one of the lucky ones."

The nurse’s gentle touch and compassionate advice made me feel a little more human, but “lucky”? How could anyone look at my current situation and call me lucky? The only thing worse would have been calling me “blessed.”  ​I choked back a quick “I promise” as I closed the car door. My wife maneuvered out of the hospital parking lot, while I turned down the radio and reclined the passenger seat. “Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” - Maggie Kuhn

The Long Drive Home

The first half-hour of our drive was mostly silent, including Lindsey's tears. It had been just one week since I ​earned the title: suicide survivor. And while we both had much to say, we didn't even know where to begin. I stared off at the clear blue sky, as the green interstate signs passed overhead. It’s going to be a long drive home. My face was blank, but my mind was spinning with two pressing questions, "What will I do tomorrow? And will I ever be able to go back to church again?"

Church had been my entire life, both personally and professionally. I often joke that I was born in the baptismal. My family was at our little Southern Baptist Church every time the doors were open. I sang my first solo at the age of five, served as a youth leader in middle and high school, went on my first international mission trip at the age of fourteen, attended two years of ministry school after high school, and served as a youth pastor and/or worship leader for the first several years of mine and Lindsey’s marriage. When I say, “church was my life,” I mean it.

Now what?

I was alive, and my wife was still with me: I'm not sure which was the greater miracle. While I was grateful, there was still a part of me that was bitter about ​being a suicide survivor.

Depression and suicidal thoughts share many common threads. It would be a long time before I could start facing the impact ​of the fear-based theology I had been steeped in since childhood. It would take even longer to begin understanding the shame of childhood sexual abuse, anxiety, depression, and PTSD that had been eating me alive for years.

As we left Huntsville and inched closer toward home, Lindsey opened up. “Who are we going to talk to about this? I don’t want you blogging about it or posting on Facebook until we’ve given ourselves time to heal.” I agreed. We determined that our situation was no different than grieving family members at a funeral, who feel pressured to comfort other mourners as they file by the casket. We didn’t want (or need) that pressure.

Growth Begins with Acceptance

Once we got home, we sat down on the couch in a daze. Neither of us quite sure what to say, until Lindsey opened up again, “I’m not leaving.” I exhaled sharply and started to cry uncontrollably.

She waited patiently for me to regain my composure before she continued, “If you promise to never lie again, I’m not leaving. If you will tell the truth, go to therapy, take your meds, not isolate yourself with busyness, and ask for help when you’re feeling overwhelmed, I’m going to stay.” I could not stop crying.

Healing Tears

Looking back on that sacred moment, I wasn’t just crying because my wife was bravely choosing to stay. I was crying for the little boy who had been sexually abused in the side yard of his home, his trauma swept under the rug by adults who didn’t know better. I wailed for the little boy who had always been told, “Dry it up, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” I bawled for the teenager who felt so ashamed of his questions and curiosities, fearing his lack of faith was keeping Jesus from healing him in an instant. I groaned for the ministry student who never quite fit in, convinced he had already been doomed to an eternity in hell. I wept for the young man who always performed for the approval of others.  I sobbed for the pastor, husband, and father who was scared for anyone to know who he really was underneath all the hurt, hustling, and forced smiles.  The tears were the first step toward accepting my current state. Before I could ever move forward, I had to accept where I was. I couldn’t sweep mental illness under the rug any longer. I couldn’t ignore the ripple effect of my sexual abuse another day. I had to tell the truth about my wounds and grieve my losses before I could ever begin the healing process.  For the suicide survivor, acceptance is the first step toward wholeness.

Lessons Learned

Lindsey and I kept quiet about my suicide attempt for a full year. During that time, we each went to individual counseling, as well as marriage counseling. Once we decided to start sharing our story publicly, I started blogging about it extensively, and even published a book about my journey as a suicide survivor.

In the past seven years, I’ve learned seven powerful lessons about recovering from a suicide attempt:

1. Growth begins with acceptance. You cannot change (or heal from) what you won’t accept.

2. Refusing to dwell on past traumas and choices I cannot change, and not obsessing over a future beyond my control allows me to move on. I practice acceptance, so I can grow.

3. Hardship and losses are a natural part of life. Even when I am sad or disappointed, I can find something in any situation that I can use to my benefit. These days, I treat myself with compassion and take constructive action so that I can continue to heal.

4. Keep things in perspective. Now that I can look back on the darkest days of my life, I see that most conditions are temporary. Bad days don’t last forever. It doesn’t mean I discount my pain or cheapen my experience; it means I have hope that better days are coming. ​

5. Don’t forget to remember. When I think about the challenges I have overcome, it increases my sense of self-worth and boosts my confidence to deal with new issues as they come up.

6. Search for solutions. Rather than wallowing in self-pity, I seek answers. Some days, it seems really easy to obsess over my wounds, but I am determined instead to focus on what I can do to improve my situation. This is what keeps me thriving as a suicide survivor, rather than seeing myself as a victim.

7. An attitude of gratitude. On hard days, gratitude is one powerful way to change my attitude. Every single cloud may not have a silver lining but looking on the bright side and counting my blessings can make even the most unthinkable days seem a little more manageable.

The Struggle is Sacred

There’s a beautiful story in Genesis (the first book of the Bible) about a guy named Jacob who falls asleep one night and wrestles with an angel until daybreak:

When the angel saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.
The angel said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.”
Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.”
The angel said, “What’s your name?”
He answered, “Jacob.”
The angel said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on, it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God, and you’ve come through.”

Although I am the healthiest, I’ve ever been, I will continue to live with mental illness for the rest of my life. But the struggle (or wrestling) is sacred because it teaches me more about myself and reminds me of the compassion of a God who chooses to sit with me during hard times. When I feel tempted by thoughts of suicide, prayer is one of the things that brings me back from the brink.
Today, I accept the truth even when it is difficult. Facing facts instead of ignoring them or engaging in numbing behaviors helps me to become more peaceful and productive.

So, what about you, friend?

If we could dig down deep, below the surface of your life, what would we find?

I may not know your specific story, but I know that beneath all the labels, expectations, fears, doubts, hang-ups, and wounds - there is someone made in the image of God. Someone worthy of safety, love, and belonging. Someone with a story that is still being written. Someone who could teach us a thing or two.

Keep holding on when you don’t see any growth, know that some seasons are harder than others, keep practicing regular self-care, and trust that God sees you as you are - and loves you deeply. Remember to take care of yourself through the lifelong journey of recovery. Every day is another step in the journey. Never stop telling the truth or asking for help. You’re one of the lucky ones, too.

Steve Austin was an author, speaker, and life coach who was passionate about helping overwhelmed people learn to catch their breath. He was the author of two Amazon bestsellers, "Catching Your Breath," and "From Pastor to a Psych Ward."

Have you ever made a bad choice?
There are certain choices that cost less, and others that cost you more.
Do you want to know how to make better choices?

Resist living by default

Some of you make choices by default…whatever comes your way.
Never allow life to make your decisions for you. Living by default steals your potential. Default living keeps us at the mercy of life…off balance and unprepared.
The default life resembles the life of Rip Van Winkle. Rip went to sleep and woke up 20 years later, unprepared for what was in front of him.

Choices are big

• The choice of faith determines your spiritual life.
• The choice of a career determines your work environment.
• The choice of where we live determines the climate you experience.
• The choice of church attendance determines your weekend schedule.

It is true, sometimes good choices can end with bad results. But making good decisions are the foundation of a good life.

Don’t you wish every choice you made was great?

It is never easy to make the best choice, especially if you are suffering from emotional trauma or caught in a crisis.

Temptation plays a big role in the choices we make.  There are obvious temptations such as a man checking out a woman.  There are also more subtle temptations such as the need to achieve, to be accepted, to be wanted, to be wealthy, to be critical, to be judgmental, to compare yourself, to be envious, to quit, to over medicate, or to be offended. These are real-life challenges.

Temptations are open doors to poor choices. We can choose wrongly because we are fundamentally unhappy and searching for satisfaction. This search leads you to anesthetize areas where you are not emotionally healthy.

So, we search for pleasure in the wrong things. Things such as unhealthy relationships, achievement, sex, drugs, drinking, and codependency.

Some choices leave permanent trails

• The choice to cheat on a spouse
• The choice to drink and drive
• The choice to divorce
• The choice of abortion
• The choice to not forgive

Choices never offer an erase button.  The decisions you make at critical points in your life are the key to the way your life turns out. Some decisions are irreversible. However, making great choices create a great life.

The choice to vape can end your life.  The choice to stop vaping results in better health.

The choice to change your alcohol consumption matters. Drinking and driving is a poor choice. DWI’s are irreversible on your record and hard to overcome.

Risky sexual encounters are not a great choice.  You may think risky sex is fun, but it can negatively change our lives forever. The cost of an STD is no fun and carries long-term health issues. The cost of becoming pregnant is huge. Bringing a child into this world is irreversible.  Someone will raise a precious child and care for the child for many years. Raising a child is expensive, carries a grave responsibility, and will affect your life forever.

When you make healthy wise choices, you can protect yourself from some irreversible outcomes. This is living life by intention. When you make your choices from temptation or circumstance, it’s normally the wrong choice.

Whatever we choose, chooses us.

If you choose anger, you receive anger. If you choose fear, you receive fear. Choosing bitterness results in bitterness.

There is no way around it. Choices always determine outcomes.

We change our world by making good choices.

You’re not a winner or a loser, but a chooser, so choose wisely.

Best wishes, Thomas

Thomas McDaniels is a pastor/writer and the guy behind thomasmcdaniels.com. He has written for ChurchLeaders.com and currently writes op-eds for Fox News. He is also the Founder of LifeBridge.tv and the Longview Dream Center in Longview, Texas. Thomas can be found on social media on Instagram.

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